I fell into my computer yesterday
Once inside wireless vibrations pounded through my body
Weightless I watched particles of myself
Float in a sea of foreign hieroglyphs
My hand reached out from some unknown location to connect the dots of my outline
But it couldn’t reach far enough
My heart was thousands of miles ahead of my head
I panicked thinking I would never recover it before I died
And then where would I be?
But I realized someone else held it tenderly
Someone I couldn’t see
Someone patient who knew I’d catch up some day
Until then I would have to collect little pieces of myself
Scattered bits of longing and laughter and love
Putting them into place before I could climb out on the other end
And be whole once more.
Closing my eyes, tired from the daily onslaught of
Mercury driven inboxes and faces pushed against my windowglass,
The umbrella of my eyelids snaps open like black raven wings
And explodes in colors,
Dripping pictures onto the sidewalk before me
My foot becomes a streetcar clicking down the cobblestoned streets
And as I glide along this chalky slideshow of circus performers
A bear standing on its hands wearing a little green hat wiggles its toes at me
I turn forward where green flows to blue
Into a lake where my lover rows me across
Eyes sparkling fireworks of secrets I’ve yet to discover
I dip my hand into the water
Only to find I’m holding the reins of a merry-go-round horse
Her strong neck arches as I kick her forward and
She flies off the dizzying whirl of mirrors
And gallops into a forest of scarlet poppies bordering my carnival
Slipping off her back I kneel at her feet and worship
My childhood while it nuzzles my cheek reminding me that
I can be Mary Poppins anytime I want.
To tell my daughter I’d do it differently would be
To tell her that I’d never want her presence in this world
And so instead I tell her that through my choices
I was blessed with her presence, her essence, her being
And that if I did things that hurt her in this life, it was only because I was still learning
Learning how to find a voice so she’d be proud
And wake up one day, sooner than I did and say
“I’m here, this is MY time, look out!”
And travel into the world in her little red sports car
Hair flying, sunglasses like Audrey Hepburn
Poised on her hopeful face
And at the end of that road where her great-great-grandmother’s Blackfoot spirit waited
She’d pull over and feel the soil of her future
Her choices would be in the palm of her hand
Where the universe planted its seed more than
A millennium ago to grow slowly, stretching its veins through her past into her tomorrows
And when her daddy finally comes around to tell her how beautiful she is
She’ll laugh cuz she won’t need any man’s murmurings low in her ear
Her toes will feel the sand beneath her and dig deep
Til she hits the treasure chest buried before her birth
Filled with generations of feminine wise-cracks and jury-rigged escapes
Her eyes will light up and she’ll comb her fingers through those jewels
Lookin’ to see which ones she can take with her when she has her own daughter
And once she does, she’ll make her own mistakes
But they’ll be a balm to her
Knowing her Mama truly loved her even though
She wasn’t perfect.
Regrets I hold when jesters do I choose
To unleash dormant dreams, sublime desires
Of touch and taste and sound and sight and scent,
Those catalysts of private wounds on fire.
Much softer are the weeping shadows where
My spirit chooses to retire and heal;
Embalming sadness with moonlight and soil
A lonesome shaman blessed as he did kneel.
My spirit, spent of color, floats o’er head
And waits for dawn to paint it gold and blue
With slashes of green leaves and blossoms red
Allowing blood to flow and life renew.
But should I face another promise made
I doubt my soul would avoid its cascade.
I hear the snick of open top
And scurry quick my door to lock
Against the flood lacking intent
To drown my fleeting innocence.
But swift it bleeds in rage and fear
No remnants but moonlit tears
That stain my pillow tightly clasped;
Prayers try to heal my choking gasps.
Instead they forge a twisted sense
Of Daddy’s love, a recompense
Which fashions wings with feathers bent
That somehow manage life’s ascent.
Yer spirit lodged itself into my wame
Too long before t’was noble to confess.
Ye found me in the muck, a crippled dove;
Then kissed me soundly, now my life is blest.
Mo dhu, yer eyes of sky could be my death
Through drowning in fierce love you freely gift;
But knowing ye’ve become my very breath,
This heart, a hollow vessel, sails swift.
When gazing at ye ripened with our love,
Fresh need assails to harbor you, mo chridhe;
Before you no smile matched my vision of
A soul mate hewn to answer nightly pleas.
Ye’re poetry, a balm, in my arms; thus
Ye’ve healed my limb and soul, embroid’ring us.
dancing near her eyes
as she smiles
secrets we share.
slowing her hands
as she gardens
strength she bears.
caressing her head
as she speaks
wisdom I crave.
She doesn’t know
Like two pirogues driftin’ through waters deep,
They n’er crossed streams but felt each other’s breeze
Caressing cheek and kissing lonely lips,
A destiny worshipped on prayerful knees.
‘Twas late in life their footsteps tread the ground
That led them to a bayou plein de vie
Where sweet onion and jasmine bloomed, blessing
Their vows declared beneath the cypress trees.
Now tightly clasping hands windswept from age
Between their bodies, they lie in their bed,
And eye-to-eye their souls each night renew
Hushed promises as on the day they wed.
Though seeming brief, their time will never end;
Their waters, merged as one, to th’ocean wend.
I fell in love
but it shadowed
I fell in love
but it crumbled
off the stage.
If I fall in love
will you vanish
when I wake?